Sunday, June 26, 2005

I Am Alone

A couple of days ago, a call came to us informing us of my Lola (Grandma) Viving's demise. The news came as a shock to me because I had always thought that she, like my own grandmother, were "fighters" and would live beyond what is expected of their years...

My grandmother, Mending, is now 85 years old. Viving was 90, give or take a year. Lola Viving and my grandmother were like the best of buddies. I remember my own mother telling me that these women are the classic examples of what we call "Golden Girls".

Due to my grandmother's old age, my mother decided to break the news as gently to her as possible. Just like the way they broke the news to her when my father died almost four years ago. When she did tell her, my grandmother simply exclaimed, "Hala!" But she neither cried or did anything else. She just sat there silently with us. For what seemed like an eternity, we wondered what was going on in her head at that time.

It was only a few moments later that she spoke again in that soft voice of hers. "I'm next... I feel so alone... I am alone..." At first we didn't understand what she meant by that, and we were terrified, so we reassured her and told her that we were there.

It wasn't a day later, when my mom and I talked, that I finally understood what my grandmother meant. When she said "I am alone", she meant that she was the now the "last" person from her generation. Her brothers and parents had passed away before and Lola Viving was her only companion. They were both widows and with that she was someone that Lola Mending shared her old age with. They were the best of friends, and they were like two peas from a pod. I always thought that they had made some kind of pact. A pact wherein the two of them would be journeying the rest of their lives, hoping to find rest together.

I also pondered on my relationship with my own siblings. Will we all grow old and live to see each other's children and grandchildren together? Will we be ever like Viving and Mending? How about my mother? When she grows old, will she feel the same if her siblings passed on too?

Right now, Lola Mending spends her time these days sleeping and in silent contemplation and prayer, unlike a couple of months before when she'd keep herself busy during the day baking or cooking something. It's sad to see someone you love in that situation. I would admit that losing my father was painful. But losing the last person, that was dear and precious to you like she did, was even more painful.

I couldn't begin to fathom the depth of my grandmother's pain. It pains me to see her like this. But, I hope and pray that despite of her loss, she would stand up once more and become her old silent yet happy self. After all, we, her children and grandchildren, are still here. We are here and we still love her that much.

~ Fin ~

( 2005.06.26 -- 1:38 PM)


Blogger rmacapobre said...

"Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealously. The shadow of greed, that is."

- master yoda spoketh

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