Mainichi, kaisha de zangyoshimasu...
Note: This is an old post from my other blog. I thought I'd put it in here since it is a view on my life after all...
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It's almost been two years, one year and six months and eight days to be exact, since I got employed. And all this time, I have been working day in and day out. Mainichi kaisha de zangyoshimasu. At first, I found the experience quite exciting. Working is the lifeblood of everything I do. Call me a certified Workaholic. I love working. It was all about the experience, the friends, and the good pay and all the other things that went with it that drove me to work more. But all that has died. There's this saying that "too much of everything is bad for you". I guess that saying is right. Subtly, and slowly, I had come to realize that I had given up a whole lot of things with this work. No, not given up but sacrificed. Yes. I have sacrificed more that I think of. My family, my dream and basically my life in general. I guess you can't work with something so hard and not neglect the other aspects in your life now can you?
My dreams, like any ordinary person, are simple. I want to be with my family always. In contrary to my ideals during the "rebellious years" of my life, I find the company of my family as a reassurance and as a comfort. It is with them, being with them that I feel that I am alive... But how do I feel such when even if I am so near, I am so very far away from them. I get home when the boys and my sister are asleep, and either they get up and leave for school before me and I am asleep or vice versa. When I do get the chance to see them, I feel alienated because I am so OUT OF SYNC with the latest news. Sometimes I see them so happy with each other's company but I just don't know to approach them anymore. It's as though they have created a whole new happy little world of their own, inviting me to join them, yet prevented by the demands of my work. God! Sometimes I feel it would have been understandable if I felt like that if I had been working overseas for a couple of years. But I'm not working overseas. I'm only working a city away from my own hometown. It's a forty-five minute drive to work, if the traffic is forgiving...
Another dream of mine is to work with theater and writing. One dream that seems to be so out of my grasp. I've got all of these stories in my head but I can hardly get them out because I can't get myself to just sit down and write. Just plain crazy ideas that I just can't get out of my head. I also have all of this "theatrical energy", yet I can't be with a theater group, just be on stage and play a character or two. If this goes on, I think I might just go nuts!
Currently, I've been able to start working on a revision to a story I wrote almost a year ago. This time I'm determined to finish it by the end of the year. And no "mainichi zangyoshimasu" will stop me from doing so... With the recent breakup with my boyfriend, I've been down a lot. I guess everyone does. But I've decided to use this "senti mood" or "sentimental mood" to my advantage. I've made some progress. It's not much, but I've made some... And I hope slowly but surely, this will be done...
Dame da yo! I'm ranting again. I need to get back to work and get my ass home before I get locked out of the house again... Back to work! Back to work! Back to work!( 2004.6.3 Thu 11:49 pm)
***
It's almost been two years, one year and six months and eight days to be exact, since I got employed. And all this time, I have been working day in and day out. Mainichi kaisha de zangyoshimasu. At first, I found the experience quite exciting. Working is the lifeblood of everything I do. Call me a certified Workaholic. I love working. It was all about the experience, the friends, and the good pay and all the other things that went with it that drove me to work more. But all that has died. There's this saying that "too much of everything is bad for you". I guess that saying is right. Subtly, and slowly, I had come to realize that I had given up a whole lot of things with this work. No, not given up but sacrificed. Yes. I have sacrificed more that I think of. My family, my dream and basically my life in general. I guess you can't work with something so hard and not neglect the other aspects in your life now can you?
My dreams, like any ordinary person, are simple. I want to be with my family always. In contrary to my ideals during the "rebellious years" of my life, I find the company of my family as a reassurance and as a comfort. It is with them, being with them that I feel that I am alive... But how do I feel such when even if I am so near, I am so very far away from them. I get home when the boys and my sister are asleep, and either they get up and leave for school before me and I am asleep or vice versa. When I do get the chance to see them, I feel alienated because I am so OUT OF SYNC with the latest news. Sometimes I see them so happy with each other's company but I just don't know to approach them anymore. It's as though they have created a whole new happy little world of their own, inviting me to join them, yet prevented by the demands of my work. God! Sometimes I feel it would have been understandable if I felt like that if I had been working overseas for a couple of years. But I'm not working overseas. I'm only working a city away from my own hometown. It's a forty-five minute drive to work, if the traffic is forgiving...
Another dream of mine is to work with theater and writing. One dream that seems to be so out of my grasp. I've got all of these stories in my head but I can hardly get them out because I can't get myself to just sit down and write. Just plain crazy ideas that I just can't get out of my head. I also have all of this "theatrical energy", yet I can't be with a theater group, just be on stage and play a character or two. If this goes on, I think I might just go nuts!
Currently, I've been able to start working on a revision to a story I wrote almost a year ago. This time I'm determined to finish it by the end of the year. And no "mainichi zangyoshimasu" will stop me from doing so... With the recent breakup with my boyfriend, I've been down a lot. I guess everyone does. But I've decided to use this "senti mood" or "sentimental mood" to my advantage. I've made some progress. It's not much, but I've made some... And I hope slowly but surely, this will be done...
Dame da yo! I'm ranting again. I need to get back to work and get my ass home before I get locked out of the house again... Back to work! Back to work! Back to work!( 2004.6.3 Thu 11:49 pm)
posted by Kagi at 3:19:00 PM
1 Comments:
I want to be with my family always.
me. i want to be available for my family. this does not necessarily mean i am with them all of the time. i need my alone time too. ^_^
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