Sunday, January 01, 2006

When someone else sells your soul...

Several months ago, I made a post which I never got to post because I never got to finish it... Back then I was very upset of something that had happened to me... Up until now I still hurt whenever I am reminded of that incident... I am scarred, and I don't know if it will ever heal...

Although it is still unfinished, I am going to post it... For there is nothing left to say... What's done is done, and there is nothing that can turn back time and make it right... I'm posting this though because WRITING is one creative outlet that ALWAYS soothes my troubled soul...

***

All my life, my trust for people had been genuine and was strong as my loyalty for them. This has always been the case. My loyalty and friendship as well as my trust towards a person never wans until that person has done something otherwise... Some say its my strong point. Unfortunately for me, it's my weakness. I had to learn that the hard way...

Recently, I have succumb to a deep and recurring depression. Why? Because of the betrayal and treachery done by the people whom I have entrusted a part of myself to. People whom I had looked up to but now only looks more like the pharisees if you ask me.

These past couple of weeks had been an epiphany as to where I stand as a person and what I am to those certain people in my life... I know that my ways are unorthodox, that there are times that following the norms and rules are too much. It's like raging against a strong current. There are a few like me, who refuse to conform to the norms of what we do. To us, achieving excellence is demanding and doing some things that can't be done by conforming to norms... None-the-less, the damage has been done and I'm worth nothing now... They sold my soul to the devil without me even realizing it...

What hurts me the most is the fact that to one of them, I am someone that "people should take easily because I am not good at anything I do..." I looked up to this person so much! Her advise were so invaluable to me that there were times, I couldn't live without them... Now, it seems that everything was just a ruse to earn my friggin' trust! They USED me!

(04.09.2005 -- still unfinished)

1 Comments:

Anonymous noemi said...

get out of that hole, kaye. you have all the right to feel what you are feeling. but, you have to move on from there. we can't expect everybody to understand us, esp. if we go against the "norm". God allowed that thing to happen. learn from it. use that incident to grow spiritually and emotionally.

try to get rid of any ill feelings toward somebody. it's not healthy. try to let go of the past.

model

7:17 AM  

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