Friday, October 27, 2006

Letting Go

Personal log - 18th of October, 2006.

Tonight is my last night in the Philippines. I am in Manila now and I am with my Mom as we await my flight for the Netherlands tomorrow. We have spent the entire day together, and my thoughts also linger back to the rest of my family back in Cebu. My brother, TJ, has already sent his well wishes for my trip tomorrow. And the sad thing is, I haven't said goodbye to my other brother, John.

I left Cebu on the mid-morning of Tuesday. As much as I wanted to, I wasn't able to wake up early to say goodbye to my brothers and my sister. I had gone to bed at around 4.30 or 5 a.m. after some last minute packing. They had left for school around seven while I was asleep. But I am still thankful because Iwas able to spend my last few days with them. I was also able to spend my last few days with some of my friends and relatives. I will see them again in a year.
A year of new things for me: experiences, and learnings.

As I hung out with my Mom today, I realized that she still has this lingering feeling that I am still the little girl that she had twenty-four years ago. The baby she bore into this world. The baby she had raised, and protected from all the harm in the world she couldthink of. Yet, tomorrow, she will have to let me go. Her baby is now all grown up. She is starting to learn to stand on her own two feet. She is starting to learn "how to walk" on her own. I know she feels
a little bit apprehensive with me leaving. But she is letting me go. A good friend of hers once asked her, "when are you ever going to let your daughter go? She's all grown up?" She only said, "I'm letting her go when she gets on that plane to the Netherlands."

All my life I had always grown up sheltered. In everything I did, I always had my parents behind me, most especially my Mom. She has always been "that voice" in my head. She had always been there to guide me in everything I did. Maybe that's what made me kinda weak - easily homesick - because I knew I had her there beside me all the time. But I can't bring her to the Netherlands. The time has come for me to become independent. Yes, as early as now, it hurts I must tell you that. But that's life. I knew that eventually this time will come. A time when I would have to make my own decisions basing on my own facts and opinions. It will not easy, but this trip will be my learning curve. In this trip, I will truly come out of my cocoon and go into the world.

I don't know how everything will happen and go after today. I do know something. I'm going to grow. I'm going to grow for the better. I have so many questions running in my head. So many of my own apprehensions. But the time has come forme to learn more about life. To learn about the world. I will prove to everyone, to my Mom, that "her baby" is now indeed a big girl.

End log.


Blogger rmacapobre said...

intercontinental subspace communications.

how is holland?
when are you coming back?
are you coming back?
how are the people there?
what about the weather?

6:02 PM  

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