What happens when the ice melts...

“Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”
-- Anon

Here I am again, feeling more alone than before... Everything that was is now gone, and I am left with nothing to support me with. He was the object of my affections, and nothing could compare more for what I feel for him than in any other person in my entire life (except family, of course)...

He had said that I had built too many walls to surround me... To guard me... Walls that were programmed to fortify themselves when I get hurt... A defense mechanism which has always kept me most of the time in harm's way... However, he has in the most subtle way, broken down my barriers... He has, in one way or another, conquered some of those barriers...

Now, most of the ice that has once shielded me is now gone. Contrary to what he thought, he had slowly broken the walls of ice down, and now I am left vulnerable... Now I am left to feel every bit of pain that used to be numbed out from my system... How am I to function normally now when it took years for me to build the icy wall around me...? Maybe it is true, what they say, "true love burns the brightest, but the brightest flames leaves the deepest scars..."

Love sucks. Sometimes I wish I didn't give in to it. But human as we are, we give in to it with the hopes that this one is indeed the ONE. Only to find out that fate will take it away from you. No matter what you say, even though you continue to fight for it... Eventually, you run out of the will to go on, because the pain is much more greater and the fear that nothing will change lingers in your head... But the love is still there and you are juggling it alongside your fears and the pain and the hope... One wrong move, and everything falls and breaks...

By the words of Shakespeare himself, "Parting is such sweet sorrow..." The sorrow and pain I feel right now is something that I try to hide, as I always have... A heavy mask worn to protect my already fragile self-esteem and pride. It is a pain that I might have to live with for the rest of this lifetime... It may hurt like he**, but yeah, it's all been said and done... I can only hope that time will be kind to me and heal it with as less stings as possible...