Friday, August 29, 2008

An Ode to Wendy

I’m angry. Yes, I’m VERY angry. But what I’m going to write right now is but a tip of the iceberg of what I plan to write sometime soon. Something that I may or may not publish but will contain all my pent up anger towards everything that has happened to me in almost two years of my stay in this country... But this post isn’t about that at all… This is about my anger towards men who suffer from the “Peter Pan” mentality and to the many women who become their own version of “Wendy” out there because they’re fed up in being in Neverland… I should know, I am a Wendy myself.

A few years ago, I read an article in a magazine which said that men or boys (or whatever you wish this confusing male gender of this species) are vain and proud of a lot of things about themselves, no matter which race or creed or age group they come from. I would say that is true. There are also gay men who have more or less the vanity of a woman, but then again they are a different story. Besides, I have many effeminate male friends who happen to be really good people. But these are the “manly” men that we are talking about here. This gender is so infused with pride since the day they were born that they are by nature quite stubborn, especially to people of the opposite sex. It is even true that even the simplest, kindest and most caring bloke you’ve known can be a blockhead and a major pain in the ass when they feel that we (women and et cetera) have struck a certain chord within them, which possibly threatens their pride and vanity as the “stronger and more dominant gender” on this planet.

However, in the end, it all boils down to one thing: men wanting to be boys; and boys wanting to be men, who later realize that their lives are less complicated if they just remain who they are. Unfortunately for us women, we are the ones who have to contend with these types of men. We, sad but true, do unconsciously fall for these 'immature' types of men. When the relationship starts up, everything is so nice and fun, and that’s where they excel in… However when trouble brews and when push comes to shove, they’ll drop you like a hot potato. Going out of their comfort zone is a big NO-NO because as far as they are concerned, they are happy there and they wish to stay happy, even if it’s for the moment. Thoughts of the future and understanding the consequences of their actions now are beyond their comprehension. They are indeed just boys trapped in men’s bodies…

What really gets on my nerves when it comes to these Peter Pan-like guys is that they are the guys you least expect to hurt you in the end. When the times come when the fun and niceties become boring and you have to eventually face the reality of life, they find you boring as well and not interesting anymore. When Wendy decides to grow up, Peter Pan says that the “connection” between them is gone. And when all is said and done and you both have parted ways, you think that you can still stay friends? It’s difficult. Why? Because you see him and you know that your feelings for him are still quite strong, yet the only thing they tell you that you two can’t be together anymore because there is no connection… But he still cares for you and that you are special to him…

Well, that sucks! That sucks big time! A good friend of mine has told me that “love” and “care” are but verbs, and we all know that most verbs are action words… Well, in these cases, they are. The action done behind these words are what speaks the loudest than what is said up front. So I wonder if these Peter Pans are telling the truth when they say that they still care for you and that you are still special to them… I tell you now, based on my experience, everything you say to these men during the start of the shaky relationship and after the break-up is futile. They won’t listen to you anymore, and the tears that you shed in front of them will be deemed as “drama” meant for during a relationship, not when you are friends… So if they tell you that they care for you, ask them what are they going to do about it? And if they can’t give you a definite answer, tell them to go to H@&l!

Even when you’ve parted ways, you still voice out your concerns to them because you still care for them. You worry about them in the present time and you worry about their futures because their priorities in life are so screwed up. You worry because you care… You care because deep down you still feel that connection you once had… A connection that Peter himself decided to ignore because for him, it has long gone, when actually, it is just faded into the background. His need for fun and niceties and living on the moment is so strong that it has completely overshadowed that connection… Ladies, I tell you, save your tears. These men are not worth it. They don’t give a rat’s ass about us, we might as well not give a rat’s ass about them…

I’m angry because now the hobbies I once so enjoyed I rarely do it anymore. The same hobbies that bound the two of you together. The same hobbies you thought you’d both share to your children… Yes, I’m angry because with these hobbies, they know no bounds… As a Wendy, I knew my bounds, and I knew what I need to do. I’ve learned and practiced delayed gratification. However, Peter Pans are a master of instant gratification. If it’s fun, they’ll do it with an ideology that says “screw the world as long as I have fun”. And what does that leave you…? Truth is, you are left with nothing… You become nothing…

Why can’t we ever get the serious and mature type of men? These men are very rare to find. They are either already hitched or not interested in relationships because they feel there are still more important things in their lives to do before they tie the knot. These men are 'early birds'; men whose mature character and serious outlook in life are shaped by hard and difficult events in their lives and/or the pressure that the people around them give them. Events which would probably shock men with the 'Peter Pan' ideology, whose heads are stuck in the clouds.

It’s funny how the latter type of men make you still laugh, make you feel special, despite their hard, and sometimes stone-cold disposition. They make you feel like a real woman. But like I said, these men are difficult to find. They’ve gone down from the clouds for a long time and they’re all grown up now… It’s now upto us Wendy-wannabes to get out of Neverland and start growing up… Who knows we might get ourselves real men and not boys…

My anger is yet to reach its climax. I’m too angry for my own good. I could blow up at everyone I know to let out some steam, I can even trash my room out of rage… But I don’t think that would be good and I don’t think that will do me any good. I am now in the process of finding ways to better myself and find productive and positive outlets for my anger… Truth is, I don’t know how long it will take for me to let him go because I feel so hollow inside… I don’t even know if that void will ever be filled… It may take weeks, or months, or even years… Who knows… And when after all the anger has dissipated, what will be left between the two of us? I don’t know the answer to that…

I am proud to call myself a Wendy. I will grow up and no one is going to stop me. I may grow old and mature in all aspects in my life, but it is a choice and a risk worth taking. Life is too short to be lived in the comforts of our comfort zones… Life is too short to be lived for the most shallow endeavors… I choose to grow up and live life as it should be, even if I have to lose some of the people that I once cared for…

Let me leave you a few quotes that I like and have pondered upon…

Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that the stuff life is made of.” – Benjamin Franklin

“Time is a companion that goes with us on a journey. It reminds us to cherish each moment, because it will never come again. What we leave behind is not as important as how we have lived.” – Jean Luc Picard (from the film "Star Trek: Generations”)

Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.” – Carl Sandburg

“Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.” – Charlotte Bronte

I could not, at any age, be content to take my place by the fireside and simply look on. Life was meant to be lived. Curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn his back on life.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“A useless life is an early death.” – Goethe

Without some goals and some efforts to reach it, no man can live.” – John Dewey

Study as if you were going to live forever; live as if you were going to die tomorrow.” – Maria Mitchell

“And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Most things break, including hearts. The lessons of life amount not to wisdom, but to scar tissue and callus.” – Wallace Stegner

“Lives, like money, are spent. What are you buying with yours?” – Roy H. Williams

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.” – Robert Frost

And my personal favorite:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain.